You are so Incredibly Beautiful
11:01 PM
HELLO AMIGOS!!! I feel like it’s been months since I’ve written on here, oh wait, IT HAS.
My sincerest apologies for depriving you of my writings, but life has been so crazy lately and to be honest I really had nothing to write.
BUT I am back here today to write about an experience I had today/a recurring experience.
I hope y’all can read this and feel like you relate, which I don’t know yet if it’ll be a good or bad thing if you do lol.
So some of y’all that follow me on Instagram have seen my continuous countdown to MY BIRTHDAY!!! My birthday is July 24th, and on that day my volleyball team and I are going to Kings Island! This will be my first time going to Kings Island, so I am obviously super excited to go, especially on my birthday.
I ran into one issue though, while planning this awesome trip, I realized i don’t have any amusement park appropriate outfits.
So I did what any girl would do.
I WENT SHOPPING.
I first looked in my closet to find a backup outfit in case I didn’t find anything to wear, which is always a good thing. LIL TIP FROM ME TO YOU: ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP OUTFIT.
So we went to a couple stores, and didn’t find any shorts cheap enough at the first two places. So we went down to TJMaxx.
I found a couple pairs I liked that were oN CLEARANCE HALLELUJAH, and went to the change room to try them on.
Now, let me just get this straight. I am NOT a skinny person. That sounds awful but it’s the truth. I have never owned a size small top or any jeans under a size 10. I have thunder thighs and i have belly fat and bigger ankles, but it’s just the way I’m built. I have always been a bigger girl, and it is never a bad thing to be on the heavier side as long as you aren’t unhealthy.
But now on to the part where it gets more serious.
I have been seeing way too many photos lately on how to lose weight fast and skinny mini celebrities, and when I looked up how to loosen a pair of jeans up it took me to a website that showed what a ‘real woman’s body’ should look like. I’m not linking that article, because I don’t ever want anyone to experience the anger I felt when I read that. Those girls were extremely unhealthy looking! They were tiny, size 00 models who obviously were not built that way. They looked sick, and those humans were branding it into people’s brains that THAT was a normal woman? To be honest with you all, it made me feel so insecure reading that because it does shame you into thinking “Well maybe I’m not skinny enough, I don’t have a thigh gap or collarbones poking out, maybe I’m not a real woman.”
I can never lie and say I haven’t thought that about myself before.
I am going to be so honest with you all right now, when i was standing there looking at myself in that flashy change room with size 14 shorts on that were still too tight, I started to cry.
I outright began to bawl.
Because the way these companies make clothes, all the sizes are so different, and I hated myself in that outfit. Because I couldn’t fit into a size 14. I stood there crying in the changing room because I felt more ugly than I ever had in my life. I couldn’t believe I didn’t fit into that size, that I had been too big to fit into what in today’s day and age is considered plus size.
I really let loose just standing there. (sorry to the poor other people in that change area that heard me snotting and sobbing. )
This society has brainwashed girls like me into thinking we are fat and huge and aren’t worthy of wearing clothes like shorts and tank tops and rompers. We believe them. And that fact scars me worse than anything. Most girls struggle with their bodies, because our hormones are so BAM HI HOW ARE YA when we get to this age that we could barely eat anything and gain twelve pounds. I myself have gained more weight than I should have, I will admit that I’m not in the best shape. But I should not be made fun of and be made to feel bad about it! We should be encouraging one another, like share healthy recipes with each other, invite some friends to go work out or walk with you. It is way easier to do with friends.
I am honestly struggling with the way I see myself, and I have had trouble with this for years. I’m making progress though. I’ve gotten my acne under control, I learned how to do my makeup to enhance my features and make me feel more beautiful, i found a sense of style I love. I cut my hair today because I felt like it would help me be a little more confident if i just cut off a little bit (or about 6 inches like I actually did), and you know what? It helped. A lot. The one thing I noticed and smiled at while i was in that changing room crying was my hair and my face. I have come to love my face and the way my features are. And let me tell you, that was enough of a confidence booster for me to take off those shorts and put on a pair of jeans I found that I loved. And then I felt so good because I looked good in the jeans.
It takes so long to get the level of confidence that some girls have. Let me tell ya, all you girls out there that are comfortable and confident with yourselves, GO YOU! Because I would never wish an experience like I had today on anyone. You should never cry in a change room because you don’t look like the models or celebs.
I shouldn’t cry, but I did. Sometimes it happens.
I want you all to know that it is okay if you don’t fit in that one size of pants, or if your boobs are smaller or bigger than most. It’s so so okay if you are not skinny, or if you’re not curvy. It’s so totally okay. You should want to be healthy and work out to build muscle, but you shouldn’t do it just to starve yourself and to be skinny. Do it to be healthy.
This post is kind of a message to myself too, because I saw so many posts on skinniness and diets and stuff today, I just wrote what I needed to hear. Sometimes you need to hear it from someone other than your family to really see and hear that you’re beautiful. I always try to write what I need to hear, and what I would want to read. I never see any posts like this, and I hope that if you’re struggling with your self image that this comes across your path because you are so worth it, and you should know that.
I guess the message that I want you to take away from this is that you, my dears, are so INCREDIBLY beautiful. You are made in the likeness of God, and you are so worth more than you believe. You are beautiful and deserve to believe so.
I’m going to insert this song that I absolutely love into this post, because I feel like almost every girl can relate to this.
I realize now that it shouldn’t be so common to relate to this post, but the sad truth is exactly that. Please girls, please realize your worth, and that you are so incredibly beautiful the way you are. And give yourselves a hug once in a while too, because why not?
<3
-Liv
1 comments
DUDE. First of all, I didn't even know you had a blog...so forgive me? (But hey I don't think you've posted anything in the time I've known you so there's that ��)
ReplyDeleteBut YESSS TO THIS POST. I didn't reply to your thread on Twitter because it wouldn't fit into 140 characters and threading it is annoying. I, too, am not a "small" girl. I weigh 130 on a good week, and I'm 5'4 (again, on a good day). So I'm by no means a small girl. (I also have friends who are like "anything over 100 is too much and I'm just like ��)
I haven't really "stuggled" with my weight or self image that much (partially due to my personality type that likes to live in the moment and doesn't think about stuff like that) but I have gotten comments, primarily from family, such as "you really should exercise more you're way too overweight" Or once mom's friend who once brought over a size L shirt and was like "here do you want this it's too big on me I'm a PS"
But you know what? SCREW THAT. I'm fairly "large boned" and so while I look fat, it's not even that bad.
Also I really loved what you said about how Society™ is telling everyone that they should be size 0 models, but then is also feeding everyone food that causes them to gain weight. I hadn't really REALISED that before, so thank you for pointing that out.
And dang I had a good thought but I lost it (oops). But Alivia, you're beautiful. (I know you weren't fishing for compliments or anything, but this is a not-family member telling you you're beautiful ��)I love your haircut and I love how honest you are. Don't change that.
(And okay wow this may have just won Longest Comment From Me award but hey. ��)
~Thank you for commenting, God bless!~