(december 16th, 2016)

Darkness.

There’s something about the darkness that is comforting, yet utterly terrifying.

It feels safe, it engulfs you. Holding your entire being into one tiny little box. It feeds your feelings. It terrorizes you. It keeps you in the dark of your own mind.

You are alright.

Yet you’re screaming.

You can’t see ahead.

You feel lost.

Unable to comprehend who or what is trying to communicate with you.

Still you smile.

Through the unknown.

You smile.

And when the mask falls off

There is the unsure void that is you.

What path is next?

There is seasons of life where you are going to be in the dark. Lost.

Trying to find your way in the world.

There will be seasons where you have absolutely no clue how this will play out.

“what college am i going to?”

“How long will this friendship last?”

“where am i going from here?”

You will have an empty mind. No answers. No solution.

That is the season of my life i am in right now.

I thought i would have it planned out. I thought i would know where i am going and what i am going to do.

Turns out, I thought wrong.

I am in the dark.

Battling with my feelings and the unknown.

It is a scary place to be.

Alone.

Why am i here?

I dont know. I really dont.

I mean, i do things. I know what i am doing in this year. I know what i am doing in this second and this moment and these memories i am making are mine. I know that much.

I know that i am playing volleyball, i know that i am writing, i know that i am planning things on the student council.

But that is all.

Fighting in the dark to get through to the light is where i am.

I want to stand still.

But i can’t.

There is words to be written and paths to be taken and actions to be had. I cannot stop now.

I am on the road. I am running as fast as i can toward a goal that i dont know what it is.

Why?

Because i trust that when i get there, it’ll be alright.

Because i have that lamp that guides my feet. The glimmer of hope in the moments of confusion. He guides my ways.

I trust he will guide me through this season. Through the dark. Through the unknown.

Until one day, the dark is just a memory.

An old, comforting memory.

Because where the darkness lives is where you once did, and where you once lived is where you no longer live.

And that alone is comforting.

Fear will lose.

And the unknown will fade away.

It will be a memory.