(july 17th,2016)

To be 100% Honest, I haven’t felt much like writing this past month that I haven’t posted. Why? I had no words. That is my honest explanation.

I had no words.

No words to be put onto these pages, no words to describe the terror  that is being dumped on our nation day by day.

But all my thoughts on the terrorism and awful things will have to wait for another post.

Tonight I want to discuss Honesty.

I am not what I try and make myself out to be.

Allow me to explain myself.

since I began my blog, I always tried to match other’s blogs. their style, writings, the whole shebang.

I didn’t think my writing was worth reading because I write differently than some other people I know. I felt like I had to conform.

I tried to conform my Instagram photo theme to what I wanted to be  instead of who I am.

I’ll be honest with you. I am not the most conservative person in the world. I wear shorts, tank tops, I have worn a strapless prom dress and a sweetheart style gown. I wear skater skirts. I do try and keep myself somewhat ‘modest’, but my definition of modesty is not the same as some other people may define it to be. I am fine with wearing shorts and stuff. I don’t wear super low cut tops, booty shorts or anything like that. I do not wear jean underwear. *laughing face*.

I do not speak extremely carefully. I say words like crap, dang, darn. I do express my opinion openly to those I feel comfortable sharing it with. I have no problem disagreeing with friends and family. I do not, however, speak hatefully, rudely, or intentionally offensive. I do try to be polite and honest and kind to those I converse with.

I have a different music taste than most of my friends. I love electronic music, (capital kings is my life), I love old country, Maroon 5, some pop songs that trend now. (I am currently obsessed with Be Here Long by NeedToBreathe). I do not stick specifically to most slower worship songs, although I enjoy a good hymn now and then. It is just not my style of music. I also enjoy love songs occasionally. I do not listen to extremely raunchy songs with a whole lot of cursing in them. I try and find alternate versions of the song if I really like it.

I am not a hipster. I don’t define myself to any personality type, I just don’t really see the point. I can be really girly and fun one day, then wear all black the next day. I don’t have one specific set style.

I have a temper. I have a fiery hot temper, that’s the honest to God truth. I am a handful when I get upset. If you have ever mistreated me, chances are I wrote for a few hours about it and talked to myself angrily. It is very hard for me to contain my anger, which is something I should work on. If I see an article or comments on an article that upset me, thank the Lord I have a great mom that listens to my ranting. I cry when I get mad. I cannot physically speak sometimes when I get mad, because I will say something I regret. If I am ever quiet when you know I am upset, just leave me alone because I am cooling off.

My dating standards/rules are very different from a lot of Christians. I am allowed to date if it is someone we know is good. My parents trust my judgement if someone were to ask me out. I personally would not say yes right now because I don’t feel like I am ready.

BUT…..

I can tell you I  am a good person. I have never nor will I ever gossip about anyone behind their back rudely. if we were friends at one point, but stopped being friends, know that your secrets are still locked and sealed.I have never hit any of my friends out of rage. If I have become close to you, know that it is because I know you are a good person I can trust, and I will do my best to be a good person to you also. I am a born again Christian, and that will never change. I may not be perfect, but I can tell you that.

There you go. I just felt like being honest tonight because I felt like I tried to hard to conform. But there it is. Out there for the world to see.

And you know what?

I am me. I’m never going to change for others. I have done that. I have been there. and maybe that’s why I felt like writing this, because I felt like I was starting to change and drift away from myself. I don’t know why, so no one take offense to this post please.

If you have stayed reading till now, I applaud you. 

God bless,

-Liv.