So I am in a really deep, sentimental mood tonight. So bear with me while I pour out all these thoughts.

You never realize the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Tonight there is so many memories floating around in my head and it's making me kinda sad to be honest. Memories of how things used to be, when we talked every day and it was weird if we didn't.
I miss the way we used to talk, about everything under the moon. Food, life experiences, dogs, friends, love, each other. We would talk about anything and everything.
But now, we don't.

It's been two years. Two lonely years. Yes, I have friends, and I hope you do too. I have a best friend who is basically my sister. I love them so much.
But I miss you too.
There really aren't many friends I ever had or ever will have that could fill that empty spot in my heart that you belong in.
There's just random once-or-twice a month texts now. "hey, how are ya?" "whats new?"

I miss the deep talks. I miss the eye rolls and exchanged glances across the classroom when a class was boring. I miss the way you knew what I was going to say before I ever thought about saying it.

I miss you.

Why am i being so sentimental about this? I know in my head that things change, life goes on, people change. But my heart simply cannot accept it. It can't accept that though I wish for things to be the same they were two years ago, they never will. Because we have both changed.
If we could ever turn back the clock and our friendship was how it was, then it would be a whole lot different than it was.
We grew up. That's not a bad thing. We could probably have deeper talks now than we ever did, and I wish we could have that.
I'm a freaking chicken, though, I never text first unless it's my best friend. I'm nervous you'd reject me, and I would be back at square one.

I heard something earlier on the way home, and it stuck with me.
My mom was talking about how all the little things in life matter. All the memories. All the experiences, words, facial expressions. Every little detail. Then all at once it came flooding back to me.

Your favorite color.
Favorite food.
Favorite TV shows and movies.
Which places you'd been dying to travel to.
Your ambitions, your goals, and dreams.
Just, You.

I often wonder if that ever happens to you. But then I think, "nah. They would never remember all that little stuff about me."

I still wonder, though.
There is so many small details I don't ever want to forget, and I don't want you to forget them either. There is so much that I need to say to you but I can't find the courage. I hate that. Why cant I just say it??
It makes me so mad that I'm such a chicken that I cant even muster up "hey" because I miss you too much.

I wish you would miraculously read my mind and text me first, and say all the things I need you to say.
But I know that won't happen.


So for now, I'll just sit here and enjoy the silence, and getting that giant load off my chest made me feel so much better.






Now, if only I could say it to you.




Maybe one day I will.

One day.






~Liv