"So, do it. Decide.
Is this the life
you want to live?

Is this the person
you want to love?

Is this the best you can be?

Can you be stronger?

Kinder? More compassionate?

Decide.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

And decide."

-Meredith Grey

So today I heard a few things that struck a chord in my heart, and I thought I would go into deep sentimental mode.


~~~~



Earlier this evening my sports teams had the opportunity to be interviewed for a local news channel. It was a really interesting thing that happened, and in my perspective quite miraculous in fact. Because you never really hear about the teams, so for them to want to hear from us was a blessing.

You know, the questions were pretty basic. "Why did you join the team?" "What is your favorite thing about it?" etc. I myself did not get the opportunity to be interviewed, but it gave me the chance to hear the answers given by my teammates.

If I watch other interviews by public school kids on sports teams, the answers from them are about like ours were.

"I joined because i wanted to play." is the one I heard most often, from watching other interviews to these tonight. And I view that as awesome, that you want to play and you have the opportunity for it. But there is something I wanted to address that I would have said had i gotten to speak tonight.


Those answers are true for some people. They genuinely want to play sports for the love of the game, and they get that here and anywhere else. They were born with the athleticism in them 90% of the time. I really do think that is a great thing.

For some of us, it's a different story. I've been asked before, "Why do you play sports?"


I'll tell you.


One day, I was at a party for a friend. I was 11 years old, and I had pretty much no friends. I was at a table, signing a paper for my friend, and a man walks up to me. He says to me, "You look like you could play volleyball, do you want to join our team?" And seeing as I had never given the slightest thought to even playing, I didn't know how to respond. Then his wife walks up, and we started talking. I don't know if she remembers this happening at all. But it was then and there that I knew I should join.

And I did.

But here's the thing:

I never once considered joining the team because i wanted to. I didn't join because I wanted to learn this sport, heck, I had never played any sport in my life!

I joined because I needed to.

I joined because at that time, I didn't know God. I was very, very lost. and I needed a family. This team and these people gave me the family that I lacked.

I joined the team because I needed to.

I needed them.

I needed Him.

God sent me the family and the one thing that would bring me out of that place. I needed that desperately.

The woman that convinced me to play after her husband asked is now one of the people that I love the most in my life. She is like my second mother, and I have gathered a whole group of people that i love just as much. I would never, ever trade this life i am living now for even something slightly different.

And that's alright with me.

This here is my family. What I have now in this program is more of a family to me than some of my actual family is. God knew this is where I needed to be.

I never want to be considered the kid who joined the team just to play and get some extracurriculars in there.

I play for the love of the game.

I play for the moments when you feel the pressure and you're two points behind on match point and the stands are on edge, and then suddenly your team wins. The adrenaline is what makes it great.
I play for the moments after those hard games, even the losses. The long van rides, the late night Wendy's trips, and then playing card games and singing the rest of the way home. I play for the moments in which you need encouragement and then you are the encourager.

The bruises, floor burns, smiles, sweat. victory, and losses. All of it.

I play for the love of the game.

And for the family that came with it.

That there will never change.





And to think I am here, nearly five years later, all because I did something I never intended on doing.... isn't that something?






-Liv

"And if I could tell you one thing
it would be:
You are never as broken as you think you are.

Sure, you have a couple of scars,
and a couple of bad memories,


but then again


all great heroes do."

anyways, here is the top 12 on my travel bucket list.

1. New York City

2. Scotland

3. New Zealand

4. Mall of America, Bloomington Minnesota

5. NCAA Hall of Champions, Indianapolis, Indiana

6. Los Angeles, California

7. Boston, Massachusetts 

8. Nashville, Tennessee

9. New Orleans, Louisiana

10. San Francisco, California

11. Las Vegas, Nevada

12. Route 66

So I am in a really deep, sentimental mood tonight. So bear with me while I pour out all these thoughts.



You never realize the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Tonight there is so many memories floating around in my head and it's making me kinda sad to be honest. Memories of how things used to be, when we talked every day and it was weird if we didn't.
I miss the way we used to talk, about everything under the moon. Food, life experiences, dogs, friends, love, each other. We would talk about anything and everything.
But now, we don't.

It's been two years. Two lonely years. Yes, I have friends, and I hope you do too. I have a best friend who is basically my sister. I love them so much.
But I miss you too.
There really aren't many friends I ever had or ever will have that could fill that empty spot in my heart that you belong in.
There's just random once-or-twice a month texts now. "hey, how are ya?" "whats new?"

I miss the deep talks. I miss the eye rolls and exchanged glances across the classroom when a class was boring. I miss the way you knew what I was going to say before I ever thought about saying it.

I miss you.

Why am i being so sentimental about this? I know in my head that things change, life goes on, people change. But my heart simply cannot accept it. It can't accept that though I wish for things to be the same they were two years ago, they never will. Because we have both changed.
If we could ever turn back the clock and our friendship was how it was, then it would be a whole lot different than it was.
We grew up. That's not a bad thing. We could probably have deeper talks now than we ever did, and I wish we could have that.
I'm a freaking chicken, though, I never text first unless it's my best friend. I'm nervous you'd reject me, and I would be back at square one.

I heard something earlier on the way home, and it stuck with me.
My mom was talking about how all the little things in life matter. All the memories. All the experiences, words, facial expressions. Every little detail. Then all at once it came flooding back to me.

Your favorite color.
Favorite food.
Favorite TV shows and movies.
Which places you'd been dying to travel to.
Your ambitions, your goals, and dreams.
Just, You.

I often wonder if that ever happens to you. But then I think, "nah. They would never remember all that little stuff about me."

I still wonder, though.
There is so many small details I don't ever want to forget, and I don't want you to forget them either. There is so much that I need to say to you but I can't find the courage. I hate that. Why cant I just say it??
It makes me so mad that I'm such a chicken that I cant even muster up "hey" because I miss you too much.

I wish you would miraculously read my mind and text me first, and say all the things I need you to say.
But I know that won't happen.


So for now, I'll just sit here and enjoy the silence, and getting that giant load off my chest made me feel so much better.






Now, if only I could say it to you.




Maybe one day I will.

One day.






~Liv

So today i just feel like talking. So that's what this blank page is for, just to listen to my thoughts pouring out of my fingertips. So i hope you enjoy it.

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You know, everyone goes through tough times. When you have no idea why in the world anything would happen to you. You, of all people. The one percent chance of anything happening to, and it does. Okay, fine. Maybe it's a little more than one percent, but still.
Sometimes there is no reason or explanation for why you have to go through tough times. You will have absolutely no idea what to do next, and you just keep praying the situation reverses itself and you are alright.

That's where i am now.
I have no idea what is going on or what i am supposed to be doing, but all i know is that God has me exactly where he wants me. I have to trust in that, even though i really am having trouble seeing it.
He has to give me peace in this moment of stress and worry.
I'll have to admit, it's scaring me. Having no control over this situation and having nothing to do with it. It is completely, utterly terrifying me. I have to keep silent over it though.
It may not seem like much to others, but it is to me. This here fire i am walking through, its huge in my mind.
But one thing i am learning from this is that i cannot do this alone.

Which is why God doesn't ever leave your side. Because He is your protector, your defender. He is GOD in which anything is possible.

One thing i always have running through my mind in any time of trouble is this: "Whatever the outcome, there always IS an outcome. It will either be good, bad, or utterly horrible. But either way, you'll come out on the other side eventually."

It's true, no matter what you are walking through, you will always come out on the other side with God still there with you.

Honestly, sometimes i feel like screaming. I have cried. I have really cried. I don't think I've cried that hard in a while. Sometimes you have to cry alone at night because a fear is suddenly a reality. And unfortunately, you have to accept it sometimes. That whatever the outcome is, that is exactly what it's supposed to be.

You are always where He wants you. Even if you do have to cry, scream. Anything. It's a moment of weakness that is a part of your fire. Showing vulnerability in a moment of pain is okay. It just means you are human. It isn't a flaw. If anything, it is a sign that God made you perfect. No one is supposed to be an emotionless robot. It's okay.

I admit to you, that I have prayed so hard for this to turn out different than what i think it will. There is always that tiny bit of hope in the back of my mind that is saying "Hey, it'll be completely different than what you see right now in front of you."
I, in this moment, am still believing it. I will freely admit that. I cannot see myself living the life that i'd have to if this turned out in the 50% chance that it can. So i am choosing to believe the other 50%.  I still know, however, that i will pull through no matter what. Because God is right there with me.

Because whatever road he wants me to walk, He will direct my ways. He is the lamp unto my feet. He guides my way, and wherever He sends me, I'll go. Because I trust He will pull me through to wherever He  needs me to be, and eventually i will have to be okay with that.

I stand by my words of being utterly terrified. It is human nature to be scared. I am not ashamed of being scared. I can't lie and say i am okay every night, half the nights i am awake until at least 4:00 in the morning because i cant shut my brain off. Some nights i get more sleep than others. I really honestly love the days where i don't have to be in my house all day, so that i have distractions from everything. If i don't have distractions, i cant function properly. My brain goes a million miles a minute.
But that still doesn't mean i am not an introvert. I still have to have alone time to recharge. Showers, late night computer time alone in my room. My room is my safe-space.
That above paragraph is something that only one or two of my closest friends knows about. That i can't function either in big crowds or completely alone. I have to have my phone or my computer or a volleyball in my hand or something. I'm either always doing those or i have a pen in my hand.
I've sidetracked. I've honestly lost sight of what my beginning point was, but i'm sure you know.

Whoever reads this, if anyone reads it at all, just know something, If you are walking a road you're unsure of, just know God is with you. You cannot fail if He is there with you. Whatever you are going through right now, He's there. Even if it scares the crap out of you, there will always be an outcome.
Just remember.

"Whatever the outcome, there always IS an outcome. It will either be good, bad, or utterly horrible, but you will come out on the other side eventually."
Sidewalk Prophets- Help Me Find It

Colton Dixon- Through All of It

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writing this helped with my feelings tonight, so i hope you like it/relate.
If i could have your prayers i would be grateful, too.

God Bless,

Hey y'all! It's been a minute.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So tonight i wanted to talk about something that happens to everyone.

Dealing with circumstances that are stressful, unnecessary, and beyond our control.
I'm sure we have all dealt with those situations before.

Yes, those specific things that really get under your skin can be irritating, but the key in keeping calm is narrowed down to five specific things to remember. I'm going to talk a little about each of those five things tonight, and hope y'all enjoy!

1. Assessing the situation

2.  Just be Nice

3. Find a Solution

4. Crack a joke

5. Don't Worry

I'm almost 99% sure y'all will already know what this post is about when you read the title.


Ah, yes. The trending topic. The Women's march.


Where the women in all cities are protesting Trump, and fighting for equal rights and all that.

I want to talk about one specific part of this horrendous act.

To better your view of how stupid this is, here is a paragraph of the actual website and i quote:

We believe in Reproductive Freedom. We do not accept any federal, state or local rollbacks, cuts or restrictions on our ability to access quality reproductive healthcare services, birth control, HIV/AIDS care and prevention, or medically accurate sexuality education. This means open access to safe, legal, affordable abortion and birth control for all people, regardless of income, location or education. 

That last sentence irritates the fire out of me.
Safe, legal, affordable abortion.


First of all, nothing about abortion is safe. You are murdering a human baby, ripping it apart inside the womb, with metal tools and you call that safe?!?!?! You can get multiple infections from that, let alone the fact that you are brutally killing a human. That to me is appalling.

If they were really fighting for women's rights and all that jazz then they would consider this.

All the females that they are killing in the womb, are they really standing for women if they are pro choice??
this is the first thought that came to my mind when i saw the trending topic on facebook.  How can you be standing for women's equal rights if you are for abortion??

To me, that is standing for nothing at all.
if you cant stand for ALL women, including the unborn, then you are standing for nothing. I, as a female, am appalled by the fellow women that are making it seem like every woman believes this way. Because let me tell you this, we all have different values and this march holds no value. It holds no significance  to anyone if you cant stand for all women than you stand for NOTHING.

Its that simple in my book.  This whole march is irritating to me, but that specific part is the most irritating thing I've never seen. I just don't understand how you can be fighting for women and not be fighting for all women.

Alright, rant over.

*DISCLAIMER* this is my own opinion, don't take any of this personally because honestly if you do then that is your own opinion and this is mine. Have a nice day.